You know, I work really hard to stay in the present moment. I have spent so many years of my life worried about the past, worried about the future, that rarely did I stop to realize just how powerful the present moment is -- it really is all there is. My mind can wander back and forth, but to do so wastes the opportunity presented by the “now.” So, going back to the past - and not just any past -- a past life -- seemed incredibly counterintuitive to "living in the moment."
And there is the great paradox of awakening. To live fully in the present so that you can create in each moment your best future, sometimes you have to go back. In my case, I was thick in my own inner child’s past, working on bringing into awareness unconscious, repressed, and rejected aspects of myself that needed to be accepted so I could propel my life forward consciously and purposefully. (Sounds fun, right?) But I was stuck in a loop. I wanted to become more confident, I wanted to feel worthy of my dreams, I wanted to do a lot of things but felt completely powerless to grab what it was I wanted. The truth was, I was terrified of failure. I was terrified that I would be made fun of or laughed at. I was terrified I would go broke, perhaps lose everything I had worked for. So, when the opportunity arose to do a past life regression, I jumped at it -- what a lovely distraction from all of the fears and doubts plaguing me!
All of the confusion I talk about above, I wasn’t thinking about any of it when I went in for my regression. I just wanted to know what past life I might have had. The idea that I could learn anything helpful for my current situation was not even on my radar; however, my past life regression was such a pivotal turning point for me and to this day, I see it as one of the greatest gifts I have given myself.
First, hypnosis is nothing like it shows in the movies. You are just really relaxed and it is almost like you are watching a movie in your head. For me, the details came in slowly, but as they rolled in, the images became crisper and more details opened up.
I was in an office. At first, all I could see was a wooden bookcase that spanned across the back wall. Before it sat a wooden desk in a deep cherry stain that echoed the shelves behind it-- neat and tidy. The room had an ornate carpet -- cream and with soft red flowers. I could see the tips of my black shoes peeking out from under what looked to be a muslin skirt. The windows on the other wall were tall and rounded at the top, and dusty. I could see the upper portion of a building across the street -- I must have been on the second floor.
My hands were gloved and I held a small clutch in them. I was very nervous, very anxious. Diana, my hypnotherapist, asked me to step away from being in myself to looking at myself.
I could see myself from the back. My entire dress, muslin, corseted, a simple ruffle at the base. My hair was an auburn, more red than brown, and it was pulled up neatly, rolled fashionably like a crown around my head, and I wore a hat, the same color as my dress.
Diana asked why I was there. I didn’t know, but it was important. So much depended on it. This man I was going to see held my future in his hands. Diana asked me what year it was. Early 1900s, perhaps 1902 I think. I am in a city, but I know not which one. I am perhaps 19 years old. The man I am waiting for never arrives.
Diana directed me to move to another memory.
I was in a dimly lit, spacious bedroom. A large four poster bed sat centered against the back wall, a dark carpet beneath my feet, huge windows with rich velvet curtains and a massive fireplace with a chair at its side. Sharp sunlight forced its way through the gaps in the closed curtains, allowing just enough light in to see how opulent the space was. I was pacing. My long, thick hair flowed down to my waist. I was in my undergarments - a loose corset and bloomer type pants. One hand covered my stomach, the other nervously cupping my chin, covering my mouth, as if rubbing my face would ease the nerves. I was sick with anxiety. Young. Miserable. I felt destitute. Diana asked who was with me. No one. I was completely alone. I sense I am about to lose everything. I sense that my family is gone and that there is nothing left. Diana has me wait a few moments to see if anyone joins. There is no one: just me. And that, I fear, is the problem. I am utterly alone and utterly broke.
Diana then fast forwards me to my death. I am old. I am in a little one room wooden cabin. There is a small cast iron stove, the kind that heats the house and cooks the food, a table with two chairs and doilies on top, and my bed. Small, very neat, very tidy. I wore a nightdress and a bonnet. And I am so happy. I look around the space and I eye it with humble pride and joy. I did this. Everything in this space is mine. It’s not much, but oh, what pride and contentment it brings me. I walked over to the twin bed, pull the quilted bedcover back and slide in. I can see my wrinkled, hands with crooked fingers pull the blanket up to my neck. I take one last look around. The stove. The table. The chairs. My blanket. And a smile curls my lips and warms my heart. I am fairly certain I die in my sleep that night- and I die happy.
Diana asked what message or lesson this life has for my current one.
The thought that rises in me: Empowerment.
Afterwards, I couldn’t get over this young woman: nineteen, single, female, early 1900s, miserable in the constraints of society, but dies on her own terms. She didn't cower; she didn't have children; she didn't fall into a marriage to save her -- she saved herself! That same fire in her to defy convention, to take life on was also in me. All of the dreams I wanted to do were completely within my power. Even though I only met this version of myself once, her fighting spirit awakened in me. It was exactly the message I needed at that point in my life. Comparatively, I had no obstacles to my success in this life, just the ones my mind created. This past life reminded me of all I am and all I can do. Its gift to me was a reminder that I can empower myself, chase my dreams, and live the life I want to live, and I can do it on my own terms. Her fire and spirit are in me because she is me and I am she. And, damn, what a strong woman we make!
If you are feeling pulled to try a past life regression, run with it. Your soul knows what you need and the answers you seek just might be found in your past -- your past life, that is.